Am I My Brother's Keeper?

Rivalry between siblings is commonplace. Siblings vie for parental attention as well as access to family resources such as the television, computer, telephone and so on. However in families where there is a child with special needs the impact on the other siblings can take on added proportions.

By virtue of a child's special needs, more attention and parental and family resources are drawn to that child. This in and of itself can set the stage for resentment or animosity with other siblings. Further, additional responsibilities placed on the other siblings for the direct care of the one with special needs can add to bad feelings. The other siblings may surface questioning matters as, "Am I my brother's keeper"?

From the social work perspective, it is often cited that children should not take on parental duties. When this does occur we refer to such children as "parentified". The connotation is negative and the concern is that the child may have responsibilities beyond their ability to handle causing them to face ongoing failure or, it may build resentment when their burdens feel greater than observed in their friends.

The truth is though that having a sibling with a special need can provide remarkable opportunity for the other siblings to learn lessons in humanity. Far from the concern for negative implications, positive outcomes include sensitivity to others and a remarkable ability to contribute to the betterment of society be it at the local community level on behalf of disadvantaged populations, or the larger community through social action and social policy.

As such, to be one's brother's keeper is not inherently bad or good. The outcome will more likely depend on the temperament of the child and how the needs of the child with special needs are managed in view of resources and the needs of the other siblings. Strategies to facilitate the positive adjustment and support of the other siblings include....

Full article here: http://www.lady4justice.com/articles/sibling-issues-when-one-has-special-needs